For most things, I’ve been a late bloomer. Girlfriends, college, a job that pays enough to live on. I haven’t seen ET yet and I still go to the bank to deposit a check. I was 51 before I had a car that would start every morning.

One thing I did early, though, was become a parent. I was 23 when my son was born and sometimes I feel like we grew up together. Twenty-three seems awfully young from where I’m sitting now. What happens when you have a kid early is that your friends start having kids right about the time yours is moving out of the house.

That’s when I got to sit back and laugh at all my tired forty-something friends running down to Albertson’s at 9:00 at night in a Mercedes to buy a 24-pack of Pampers. The next day they’d call me and ask how I managed to survive doing it on my own in an ‘85 Toyota Corolla. 

Every time someone would ask me “how I did it” I’d stumble through some hackneyed response like, “Just keep showing up” or “You’d be surprised what you can do when you don’t have a choice.”

But after a while, I started wondering why anyone would ask me for parenting advice. Most of them had never met my son, or even been to the house when he was growing up. They had no idea if I’d done a good job. All they ever heard were the good stories. The time Taran and I got chased around a campsite by an angry hummingbird. The evening walks down to the pond to hear the frogs singing.

Then I realized I’d never asked my son the one question every parent thinks but never says out loud. “What did I do wrong?”

As soon as I thought it, I pushed it back down. Could I even handle that answer? It’s too late to do anything about it so why even bother? I knew I’d ask him, though. No matter how bad the answer was, I knew I needed to hear it. I don’t like running scared from something and this had me scared.

So I called him up. I told him about all the people who’d asked me for parenting advice and how I wasn’t sure that I was qualified to give it. Then I said it. “What did I do wrong as a parent?”

He answered quickly, “You did great, dad.”

“No, really. We’ve had enough arguments and slammed doors. What should I have done better.”

“Dad, you did fine.”

In five seconds I’d gone from great to fine. Now I had to know. I had to take my medicine.

“Seriously, son. What did I do wrong?”

“Dad, you did the best you could.”

Ugh, Now I’m not even fine. I’m down to “did the best you could.” 

I asked him one more time and said to take a few days to think about it. He paused for a bit and said he’d get back to me.

A week later he called back. He said, “I wish you hadn’t kept saying, ‘How can you not know this?’”

And then I remembered all the times I’d said that. And it hurt. It hurt to know I’d said it and it hurt even more to know how many times I’d said it. ”How can you not know that?” is very close to “How can you be so stupid?” It sounds like a genuine question but it’s not. It’s a steel pipe wrapped in a pool noodle. It looks harmless but it leaves a big bruise.

So I apologized. And felt terrible for weeks. For a long time after that, when someone asked me how I made it through 20 years of raising my kid alone I told them I had no idea. I said I did my best and hoped my son was still talking to me at the end of the day, even though sometimes he wasn’t. 

Last week, a friend told me she wasn’t sure if she’d said the right thing to her daughter. I asked her if she thought what she’d said had brought her closer or pushed her away. She said it was going to take a while to find out. We can’t always do things that bring people closer. Sometimes we have to stand our ground and say what needs to be said, even if it pushes someone away. I wish I’d chosen those moments more carefully with my son. He’s 33 now and closer to me than I was to my dad at that age. So I guess I did ok. If you come to the show, you know that he helps me set up the room and sometimes even tells a story. We have an unwritten rule between us that we’ll never tell a story that would hurt the other person. Those are the only stories either of us wants to tell.

And that’s the kind of story we’re looking for at our next show. Come tell a story about having to be honest with yourself. What made you do it? Did you put it off for years or dive in immediately to get it done? Were you alone in a room or did you have to walk up to someone? How did the experience change you?

Remember to practice your story out loud on as many people as possible and time yourself when you’re doing it. Please don’t get onstage if you haven’t practiced your story. The audience is giving you their time and attention. It’s not fair to them if you get up there and try to wing it.

All stories have to be under 8 minutes. Stories can be as short as you want but not over 8 minutes. Stories also have to be clean in both language and content. Send me an email if you have any questions about that.

The rest of the rules and guidelines are below:

Storytelling Rules and Guidelines

Workshops are a great way to get feedback on a story you’re working on. Here is one I highly recommend. It’s run by two wonderful storytellers who have told many times at FGS and other shows in the area:  

https://www.meetup.com/Fresh-Ground-Stories-Storytelling-Workshop

I’m also happy to help anyone with a story they’re working on. Send me an email and we can set up a phone call.

See you on Thursday, May 16 at 7 pm, at the Chabad of Queen Anne – Magnolia. 1825 Queen Anne Ave N, Seattle, WA 98109 (Remember, no non-kosher food in the building)

Paul
Freshgroundstories at gmail dot com

What a great show we had Thursday! I was a little worried at first since the room was completely empty at 6:30. A handful of people wandered in at 6:45. And then suddenly at 6:55 we had a full house. Do you guys all ride the same bus??

Whatever the reason, I’m grateful to every person who showed up. We had three first-time tellers and our first sibling act. What a treat that was. Before I get to the wrap-up, I want to thank everyone who helped put the heavy wooden chairs away in the basement after the show. I don’t know who organized that or how it came about but it was a huge help.  

Zoe, one of our regular tellers, started us off with a sweet story about moving from NYC to Seattle in 1996. How does anyone decide where to move? There are so many things to consider and judge. Which is more important, affordability or weather? Culture or career? Four seasons or good Thai food? Luckily, Seattle passed all Zoe’s tests and she’s called the PNW her home for the last 28 years. 

Archana, a first-timer, told a beautiful story of growing up in Bangalore with her friend Gulmohar and what she taught her about finding a place where you belong. I met Archana last month when she came to her first FGS. She was so touched by the stories she heard that she committed to telling her own story with us at the next show. Her story was so sweet and poignant that it reminded me of something I read once, “The shortest distance between two people is a story.” I hope she tells more with us.

Emily was next with a story about the many battles she’s had teaching boys named Christian. I love when teachers get up and tell stories. I feel like they’re part of a secret society that the rest of us can never be part of or understand until we spend a year in a room trying to teach pre-teens English. I don’t know how being a teacher compares to other secret societies like the Masons or the Knights Templar, but I like to pretend they have just as many cryptic rituals and secret handshakes. Hopefully, a movie with Nicolas Cage looking for lost gold under an elementary school is in the works. 

Kate, another first-timer, told a story about the joys of throwing prunes at strangers. Granted, she was a young girl at the time and the prunes came from the tree in her back yard and she was technically just throwing them at the yard across the street. But when the toss goes short, and the prune flies through an open window of a passing car, it does become “throwing fruit at strangers.” And does that ever get old? No, it does not. I remember throwing crabapples at cars when I was a kid and I still remember the rush of terror when the car would slam on the brakes and we’d all run for our lives.

Robert, one of our new regular tellers, told us about getting caught for speeding in South Carolina in an army vehicle painted with radar-resistant paint. I’m no physicist, but I don’t think that’s how radar works. Good try, though, Robert! Even the judge was impressed with his excuse and decided not to take any points off his driving record. Robert is also Kate’s brother so you know Thanksgiving at their house has got to be full of stories 🙂

Dru, our final first-time teller, told a hysterical story about her husband getting cancer. Yes, it’s possible to tell a funny cancer story. Dru is proof of that. Not only did her husband survive cancer, they both got to spend time in a city they love, Seattle. Yay for Fred Hutch and groundbreaking cancer treatments! You know what we say around here. Come for the culture, stay for the chemo.

Simar was next with a beautiful story about flying kites as a child in India. Did you know that kite flying over there isn’t the low-key meditative pastime it is in the US? According to Simar, it’s a melee in the sky where everyone tries to cut each other’s strings. And Simar is, according to…well, Simar, the King of Kites. He is truly masterful at wiping out other kites. I think we need to test this. Is anyone up for a battle royale in the skies over Seattle? If I can get three other people to join me, I’ll drive up from Olympia and challenge Simar. I’m serious. Write me at freshgroundstories at gmail dot com and let’s see if we can take on the Kitemaster.

Simar’s story of course was about more than just kite flying. It was about coming to America many years ago and creating a new life for himself. It was about going back to his hometown and realizing it wasn’t home anymore. And in my mind, it was a little bit about how hard it can be to form relationships in a new town. Telling stories has always helped me make friends wherever I go. I’m always so happy when I find out that people who met at FGS have ended up forming real friendships. So I’m serious about coming up to Seattle and flying kites. Let’s see if Simar still has his kite chopping chops.

Gretchen, our final teller, told the story of moving to Seattle from  Minnesota many years ago and ending up on Bainbridge island. The relationship with her girlfriend she moved there with ended but her relationship with Seattle endures. If I could, I’d thank that old girlfriend of hers for bringing Gretchen to us. 

Before I let you go, I want to remind you of all the great storytelling opportunities going on right now.

This month’s 7 Stories show is this Friday in Burien. I love this show. I went there last month to work on an old story and had a great time. Join their Meetup so you get their invites. They have two themes this month, “Duped” and “Aha.” You don’t need to tell a story to attend. You can just show up and cheer on the tellers.

https://meetu.ps/e/N4ZHQ/1JtDX/i

Our free monthly online storytelling workshop is happening Sunday May 5. This is a great place to get feedback on a story you’re working on. 

Checkout this Meetup with FGS –  Storytelling Workshop: https://meetu.ps/e/N3GwR/1JtDX/i

Paul Barach, one of Seattle’s finest storytellers, just got a story on Out There podcast. I knew this story was going to be great when he told me an early version of it a few months ago. I was right. It is great. 

http://www.outtherepodcast.com/episodes

Out There is always looking for new stories of the outdoors so if you have one get in touch with them.

Chris Spengler, who has told with us for many years, will be appearing at Folklife this year. Congratulations Chris! Check out the schedule to find out the day and time.

https://nwfolklife.org

Sometime in the next month or so, NAMI’s annual fundraiser, The Brainpower Chronicles, will be accepting stories from people living successfully with mental illness. If you’re chosen to share your story, you’ll get to tell your story onstage at the Kirkland Performing Arts Center in November. I was in the first BPC years ago and it was a wonderful experience. Keep checking their website for news on how to apply.

https://www.namiwa.org/brainpower-chronicles

Lastly, don’t forget our friends at Bar Stories. It’s a new show in north Seattle that of lot of great tellers are showing up at. Go check them out!

https://www.facebook.com/BarStoriesLiveOnStage

That’s all for now. I hope you can make it to our next show on May 16. The theme is, “Coming Clean – Stories of being honest with yourself.” I’ll get the invite out as soon as I can. 

If you miss our monthly workshop, I’m always available to help with a story. Send me an email at freshgroundstories at gmail dot com and we can set up a call.

I hope you’re all having a great weekend. See you next month!

Paul