“I hate to tell you this.” I don’t know how many times I’ve heard that phrase but I think I could go the rest of my life without hearing it again and not feel like I’ve lost out on anything.

As hard as it is to hear I have to admit that it’s rarely been a surprise. By the time I go to the doctor I’m already bracing myself for the worst. Whenever I hear it in a relationship I’m usually aware that I’ve been on borrowed time for a while. You know how excited you get when you wake up and smell bacon cooking? Sometimes I wake up and smell the Bacon of Breakup. I’m not kidding. I can smell a breakup that’s about to happen. I don’t know exactly what it smells like but it’s not bacon. The other day I saw a guy try to high five his girlfriend and she walked right past him. That’s what breakup smells like.

Anyway, the most awkward moments for me are not when I’m being dumped, it’s when I’m trying to tell a woman how I feel about her. It’s the “I love you” moment. Or the “So, you know I have a crush on you” moment. I think I have a special talent for choosing the wrong person to fall for.

Once I was sitting on a bench with a lady I had a crush on and as we were looking across the water I said, “You know I’m kinda sweet on you.” Without even looking at me she said, “Why don’t those condos have windows on the side facing the bay? Who wants to look out over an ugly parking lot?” I don’t think she was purposely comparing me to a parking lot but it did sort of create that impression.

Another time a woman I was head over heels for wrote to ask if I’d like to get a house and be roommates with her. I couldn’t say no fast enough. I said, “Look, if we were roommates I would spend every waking moment trying to charm the pants off you. I don’t mean that as a figure of speech. I mean literally charm the pants off you.” In my head, this was the best way to say I had a huge crush on her. To her credit, she matched my glancing heartfelt confession with an admission of platonic misdirection. She sent back emoticons of three baby chickens and a puppy gif.

You can never tell how these hard talks are going to be received. Honesty is scary. And it’s not always rewarded in the way you want. I was going to write this month’s story about the time a doctor told me my mom had cancer but I don’t have the emotional energy to dig that one up. Then I thought I’d talk about the time I had to call my dad and tell him I got someone pregnant. There’s a big difference between calling your dad to tell me he’s going to be grandparent and calling your dad to tell him you got a girl pregnant. It was a hard call but it was met on my dad’s end with surprising grace. I don’t have the energy to tell that story either, though.

Tonight I want to go to bed thinking about the times I put my heart on the line and told someone how much I cared about them. Every time I’ve done that it’s paid off. Not always in the way I wanted but it was always good in the end. The lady on the bench who got nervous when I said I liked her? A few years ago, in the depths of the worst depression in my life, she and my buddy Mark came over and gave me the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had. The woman who sent me three chickens and puppy gif? I saw her the other day. She’s as beautiful as ever and we still get together as often as we can. She didn’t run from being my friend and I never treated her any different because that’s all she wanted to be.

I’m grateful to all the people who let me start an awkward conversation and to all the people who had to start one with me. It means a lot that you trusted me enough to say what you had to say even if you knew I wasn’t going to take it well at the time.

And that’s the kind of story we’re hoping you bring to the next FGS, Thursday, December 10 at 7pm at Roy Street Coffee and Tea.

The rules for stories are below but you know the kind we’re looking for: true stories that happened to you that still mean something to you days, months or years later.

Remember to keep it clean and under 8 minutes.

Rules & Guidelines: https://freshgroundstories.wordpress.com/2013/01/22/storytelling-rules-and-guidelines/

I hope to see you there.

Paul

freshgroundstories@gmail.com

Thank you to everyone who came out to the show last Thursday. I look forward to this night every month. No matter what the theme is or what stories are told I’m always grateful to see people willing to be so beautifully honest and vulnerable up there in front of everyone.

David, one of our regulars came up to me after the show and said, “Those newcomers. They were awesome!” And he was right. They were awesome. Two of them were shaking so hard while they told their story I thought I was going to have to go up there and give them a hug so they could get through it. But each of them made it just fine and they have a lot to be proud of. Big thanks to Roger, Lynx, Cindy and Bailey.

One of the most powerful moments in the show came during the second story. It was from one of the first-timers, Bailey. I won’t tell you what the story was about because I feel it was something for just those people who were there in that moment to share. But I will tell you one thing she said that I think we should all hear more often, “Don’t stop fighting for your happiness.” It’s been a long, hard road for her to find happiness and telling her story at our show was one more step on that journey. She said that night was the first time in 25 years she had been in front of a group of people. Thank you for choosing to be with us when you took that step Bailey. Thanks also to everyone in the audience who stayed with her during the long silences in her story where she was pulling herself together so she could say the next word. Don’t ever feel bad about not getting up and telling a story of your own. Being a kind and patience audience member is what makes this all possible.

Thanks to all the storytellers who told that night: Jake, Kris, David, Lynx, Cindy, Barb, Hannah, Gary, Kevin, Bailey, Roger, TC, and Keith.

The only thing I regret during the show is that I forgot to remind everyone that another one of our regulars, Jonathan, is offering a storytelling workshop this Wednesday. It’s $15 for a 3-hour class and that is a very good deal. It basically pays for the room and the materials. I’ve been to lots of storytelling workshops and I have always gotten something important out of them. It’s also a good way to meet other tellers and find cool people to work on stories with after the class ends.

Here’s the link to it:

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/storytelling-101-workshop-learn-to-tell-the-personal-story-tickets-19029010282

Next month’s show is Dec 10th. The theme is “The Hardest Thing You’ve Ever Had To Say.” It doesn’t matter if it’s something you had to say to another person or just quietly to yourself. And since I know that maybe the #1 hardest thing you’ve ever said isn’t something you want to say in public we’ll accept the 2nd or 3rd hardest thing you’ve said. Or if you have a really good story about the 15th hardest thing you’ve ever had to say then definitely tell that one 🙂

I gotta say one more thing before I let you go. I’ve met some amazing people at this show and a few of them have gone on to become some of my favorite people. Nathan Vass is one of those people. I don’t get to see him nearly enough so whenever he shows up at Roy Street it’s a special treat for me. Two days ago I learned he was in Paris during the attacks. No one could get ahold of him. We wrote emails, checked his facebook page, called his parents, checked all the news coverage for his name. Nothing. Today was getting kind of scary. I just started getting to know this guy and now I’m regretting all the times I’d been in Seattle and didn’t call him to go get a cup of coffee.

A few minutes ago I got an email saying CNN had found Nathan safe and sound. As happy as I am for him and his family I’m also happy that I’ve been given a second chance to get to know him better.

Here are two links to learn about more about him.

http://www.quirksee.org/2013/09/19/seattle-king-county-metro-bus-driver-nathan-vass-358/

His story from the August FGS:

The recording from last week’s show came out fine so I can give each of the storytellers a copy of their performance if they want it. I only give them to the people who told a story and it’s only the audio of their own story. Most performers don’t want their personal stories online so that’s why I only give copies to the people who told them.

That’s all for now. Thanks again to everyone who came up and supported all the tellers that night. I hope to see you on the 10th!

Paul
freshgroundstories@gmail.com